Help me

 I failed. I was arrogant, spoiled and a nasty piece of work. It's been so many years but i still can't stop thinking about Jean. Jean who was bubbly, Jean who cried when her boyfriend passed, Jean who hurt herself when she got hurt...oh Jean I've learnt so much about myself through you and received so much strength from you...I want to move on but I can't. I don't know how to.

She's married now with ZiChao, they're happy together. They spend holidays together, have the perfect couple pictures and she wears clothes to show off a relationship to others. He dresses sharply and is always oh so patient with her. The perfect romance that i wanted. I wished to be perfect once, to have the perfect grades, the perfect kindness just for her...whatever that actually meant. I was just emulating what she thought of Andre and I just never spent time with her. I was selfish, stupid annoying prick and I deserve what I got. She made me happy and I regret ever showing up in her life.

Please end me, I don't want this nightmare to continue.